Three Conversations That Changed My Week
On letting go of what doesn't serve you, celebrating how far you've come, and being unapologetically yourself
This week's MARK. Set. Go... isn't one piece with a central theme. More like musings from the week—three conversations and experiences that stuck with me, each carrying its own lesson worth sharing.
The Weight of Forgiveness
Last week was National Independent/Assisted Living Week. The theme was "Ageless Adventure," which fit perfectly for my talks in Chestnut Hill, Dedham, and Shrewsbury. A typical talk for this audience has me sharing my caregiving journey during my dad's fight with Alzheimer's and the importance of pursuing your passion at any age.
"After my dad got diagnosed with Alzheimer's, my priorities shifted. I started an exercise routine, ate healthier, put more focus on quality sleep, and began meditating. But most of all, I let go of my past demons—the regrets, resentments, grudges, and guilt I had been carrying around with me since childhood."
After the Dedham talk, I spoke with a ninety-year-old resident who said my words moved her. The part that really hit home was when I talked about letting go of our demons, regrets, resentment, and guilt. Whether from childhood or last week, we need to be okay with forgiving ourselves and moving forward.
She confided that she was feeling overwhelming guilt over not visiting her older sister at the end of her life. She said it was too hard, emotionally, to see her sister in that condition. But now, years later, the guilt is sometimes unbearable.
"It's okay to let go now," I told her. "Your sister knows how you feel. She forgave you a long time ago. It's time to forgive yourself. It's time to let go of that guilt. It's time to move forward."
She was in tears when I left her. That feeling—of helping someone come to terms with their past—it's powerful. I never take it for granted. I'm grateful to Russ Wilson, the former principal at Blessed Sacrament School and now Director of Community Engagement at Traditions of Dedham, for inviting me to speak.
Celebrating the Gain, Not the Gap
Just last night, I attended the New England Promotional Products Association's (NEPPA) annual dinner. I listened to Lori Donovan, the outgoing President, talk about the challenging year she's endured—losing her father, hurting her shoulder, losing her job, and getting breast cancer. What she had weathered along the way, and how she's still moving forward.
"Seven years ago I ran the Boston Marathon to raise money for cancer to support my friend. Now, here I am with cancer. When I look back at the experience, I am reminded that the Marathon itself was the celebration, not the result after the run. Everything it took just to get to the starting line. The pain, sweat, and tears during training is what we ought to be celebrating." -Lori Donovan
In other words: the GAIN. Not the GAP—the ideal finish or time—but the GAIN from where we started. Well said, Lori.
Nobody Can Be You Better Than You
I started class #2 for my Master's in Creative Writing. This semester's course is "The Art of the Pitch"—learning how to pitch our book, movie, play, or TV series to the professionals. It's a lot of work, and some of it is uncomfortable.
This week, we had to do a 90-second pitch to the class on someone else's work. I was assigned to pitch the movie LEE, based on Elisabeth Lee Miller, one of the greatest and most fearless war correspondents of all time. A former fashion model from New York, Lee moved to Europe just before Hitler's rise and eventual occupation of France. Lee's most prolific work captured Liberation Day, the Nazi concentration camps, and Hitler's final days. She was a total badass and nearly unbreakable in her pursuit of truth—showing the world what was really happening on the front lines. She refused to look away or sanitize what she saw, and her images from the concentration camps were haunting.
After everyone completed their pitches, the teacher offered some great feedback:
"Nobody can be the best version of themselves better than you. Don't try to be someone you're not in these pitches. Be yourself. Only then will your true passion shine."
Easier said than done, but very much appreciated. A good reminder for all of us. We may not be the most talented, most intelligent, or gifted person in the room, but nobody can replicate who we are as human beings.
The Thread
Three different conversations, three different settings, but maybe there is a thread after all. Whether it's a ninety-year-old learning to forgive herself, a cancer survivor celebrating the journey instead of just the destination, or a roomful of writers learning to embrace their authentic selves—the message seems to be the same.
Stop carrying what doesn't serve you. Celebrate how far you've come. Be unapologetically yourself.
See you next week.
Great post, Mark. I loved the story about the 90-year-old woman. Sometimes God calls us to be in a particular situation at a particular time to be able to channel his words through us to help someone else. You took a very heavy weight off that woman’s shoulders that day. Well done!